House Arrest

Twitter

You may or may not have noticed a new item on the sidebar at right so I thought I'd point it out to you. I've added my twitter feed to the blog as I tend to update my status there pretty frequently.

I haven't had the time recently to write the full-blown posts that I am used to. I am working on 3 freelance jobs pretty much full-time, with the rest of my waking life taken up with finding a full-time job, caring for the kidlets and just plain ole trying to find some time for myself.

I will return to this space a bit more frequently, once I have gotten a bit of a grip on things. Until then, you can keep tabs on me via Twitter.

Stuff and Nonsense

Sorry for the delay in updating post-vacay. There is some negative stuff happening in my professional life that has been keeping me busy and silent. Things are finally coming to a resolution, and, well, it's just not going to be pretty. I can't really talk about it further, but if you're worried, we're fine for now. I'm just anxious about the future, and, well, anxiety makes me quiet.

I do have a bunch of other stuff I can update you on, though, so this post won't be all "cloak and dagger."

For starters, I made a small photo album of our WV vacation to share with those keeping up.

I'd actually made a MyPublisher scrapbook for the family that turned out REALLY well, and was going to link to the online version of it. However, their online albums leave A LOT to be desired. You can barely see the pictures or read the captions on them so I said skrew all that and picked a few select photos to share. (The printed books themselves are fabu, though.)

Second, I've got a health update. Remember when I posted, oh about 4 months ago, that I had bizarre tingling that might have been caused by a vitamin B12 deficiency? Well... the vitamin B12 I was taking was doing bupkis. I just kept feeling worse and when I woke up with both arms numb last week, I decided that enough was enough. I decided to get a second opinion and contacted the folks at Columbia Eastside for a wellness consult. I had so much luck with their docs and the practice there for my maternity that I was willing to take a blind risk on the rest of their services.

Well, I met with a Doctor Nurse Practitioner in their CAPNA group. They specialize in primary care and in dealing with the "whole" patient. They're equipped to prescribe and refer to specialists, which is basically what my old doc was doing for me, so I squashed the whole, "But you're not a doctor..." thing and went for it.

I'm sooooo glad I did. For starters, she asked me more questions than any doctor has EVER asked me. I brought along my bloodwork results from my previous doctor's visit -- from now on I will always ask for a copy of my results! Soooo helpful!  -- and she went over them with a fine-toothed comb. (She was surprised by the sheer number of tests and called it a "million dollar workup" a couple of times.)  She reviewed them along with all the other write-ups from the chest and back x-rays, the EEG and the nerve test I'd had. All had been normal, of course, which is why I'd been frustrated when the "take more vitamins and stretch" routine wasn't making me better.

She circled the abnormal stuff along the way and admitted that she needed to look up a certain panel she didn't know. (A plus since my doctor said it was something that it wasn't. I Googled.) 

Then she stopped and asked me if my doctor had done anything about my abysmally low thyroid.

Um, why, NO, he hadn't. Abysmally? I believe the term my doctor had used was "slightly out of whack..."

Well, my thyroid tested at 0.007 back in May. The normal range is 0.35 - 5.5. So, at best my thyroid is functioning at 2% at the LOW end of the norm!

My vitamin B12 was 199. The norm is 211 - 911.

Jee-zus. Talk about glaring and obvious.

Anyway, long story short, she doesn't think it's just my thyroid because of other symptoms she coaxed out of me. Stuff I would not have thought to mention came out as she asked, "Do you also have XYZ in ABC?" and the light bulb would go off in my head and I'd be like, "Why, yes. Yes I do." I could tell that she was going through some sort of mental checklist in her head and I was just confirming her hunch.

I might still have an autoimmune disorder but she suspects the main problem is with my pituitary. She sent me for some additional bloodwork -- it was funny because she kept debating about which tests to send me for as she didn't want to go for anything "unnecessary" as she obviously thought my previous doctor had done -- and I have a follow up on Wednesday. If the stuff for the pituitary shows up, then I get an MRI. If not, we can begin treating the thyroid.

I just feel overall better because a) I feel I was finally listened to as a patient and b) there is an end in sight. I don't know how far away it is, but she assured me that we would get to the bottom of it. She said we would treat each thing one at a time, and that she knew it'd be frustrating for a little bit but that we'd get there.

Seriously, that was the best news I'd had in a long time. She seemed genuinely interested in helping me and I have forever changed my idea about NPs. I've been so run down, so tired, so crabby, sooooo not me... And it sucks.

The main reason I want to be well is so that I can be a more active mom to these two:

They're growing up fast, aren't they?

I'll update you on knitting on Wednesday, but for those on Ravelry, you can visit my quasi-updated project pages...

Anxiety and Omelettes

I started off by writing about my fears. About how I can't watch the news any more or read stories about things that happen to children. Of a horrible, scary dream I had a month ago that I woke from in terror and that left me in a foul mood for days. I wrote about my irrational fears about the hurts and dangers out there, the things lurking round the corner.

And I decided as I was writing that the details were just getting to be too much for me. That as cathartic as a post like this would have been to the "old" me, it really wasn't helping the me that now is.

Those of you who've been reading my ramblings for a while know that I have anxiety issues. I used to take Xanax and Wellbutrin to help cope. It was an interesting concoction that I didn't manage well, truth be told. I weaned myself off them and dealt with my anxiety flare-ups as they came.  Sometimes well. Sometimes, not so well. But dealt I did.

Since having Hunter and Aden, I've worked hard to keep my anxiety at bay without need for extra meds or treatment. To be even and whole.

But every now and then, a story or article will hit me and my anxiety will start gearing itself up. I can feel my body getting into flight or fight mode. My heart races and my mind zooms through the ten billion horrible scenarios and I feel my throat closing in, causing me to be unable to breathe.

So far I've been able to stop it.  And I hope to continue to be able to do so.

Oddly, what I find helps is thinking about the funny things the kids are doing. Like enjoying omelettes... and learning the dog likes them too:

Catching Up

I'm thinking of giving myself another blog challenge, just to get myself back in the habit of posting again. A Monday, Wednesday, Friday thing where I post about stuff going on that is not necessarily kidlet related and maybe having a once weekly knitting catch up.

I have to admit that I miss the blog as an outlet and can use the motivation that it provides me. Things get finished faster because I want to share them. My sense of humor kicks in as I try to find ways of writing funny posts. I engage all of my brain as I try to fine ways to recount a not so obvious story.

I feel a little stale and dull in my routines, truth be told, and need to do something that is wholly and uniquely mine. So today, as a start, I'm putting my intention out there for all to read. And on Wednesday, I'll rejoin everyone with progress about knitting or quilting or weight loss (I'm down 3.2 lbs since last Tuesday, btw).

So consider this a restart of a restart of a restart. But since I've been busy reinventing myself as of late, this one should stick.

Engaging Passions

One billion degrees
It's like one billion degrees
It's like one trillion degrees
From the hot parking lot
To the sand that is not so cool

Soooooo hot. And so much to say. Ugh. I'll try to get some of it out before I melt dead away...

Sorry for the long absence here. I have been refocusing on myself lately and that has led to a not insignificant period of introspection. I've been thinking about many things -- from losing the now 30 excess pounds that I am carrying to actively focusing on where my career is heading to diving fully back into crafting.

Rest assured, knitting has always been done. In fact, the Milan Jackets are at the most boring point of needing one half a sleeve to have all the knitting be done. Then I can move onto finishing them both. (This will probably be the LAST time I knit two of anything. Maybe...)

I knit every single day on my commute to and from work, so I always have some progress to show. As such, I have a bazillion projects in progress (oh my fickle heart) and in queue. Knitting satisfies me... but aggravates my carpal tunnel. And in the summer, I don't want to work on it at night in my un-air conditioned room. (The babies, bless their souls, have a/c in their room.) The yarns all stick to me and make me feel, well... gross.

So in keeping with wanting to craft and finish more -- and keeping my hand out of the proverbial cookie jar -- I have turned my eye back to a forgotten passion. One that, of course, necessitated buying even MORE furniture and moving stuff out of the kiddos' bedroom -- which was good, because they were starting to try to get into stuff they shouldn't be in...

If you can't tell from the picture above, at night my heart turns to sewing and quilting. (And, Tar-jay, as usual, rocks. Awesome sewing table, 15% discount and free shipping!) Oh, and yes, the cats do think the table was brought in just for them.

I know you're thinking, "but what about the stuff the kiddos wanted?" Well, Hunter nearly pulled the sewing machine on her head and Aden "walked" his jumperoo around the room -- putting him within reach of certain items (cough, scissors, cough) that his forgetful mom didn't stow safely away. (These items are ALL. GONE. NOW.)

I will admit that I can't sew a perfectly straight line yet, but I expect a summer of progress -- and a few purchased seaming guides -- will get me there. I've been working on a few simple pieces -- pre-printed soft books, coasters -- and will pick up on piecing quilts soon.

In other news, I've decided to fully go back on Weight Watchers (and to try to get on the boards at least ONCE a day when I can), update my resume -- just in case, you know?-- and spend more time trying to have fun with my kids and husband.

After all, they're my biggest passion...

Quickie

Yesterday and today, in bullet points:

• Our soon to be fired, flaky dog walker lost our keys so we have to get our locks changed this morning.
• I was incredibly busy yesterday and practically drowning in work. Not good.
• I ate way too much last night -- beef with broccoli over brown rice; so good -- so my prego belly is really round this morning.
• I made my decaf weak. Nothing sucks more than weak decaf.
• Have I mentioned that I'm exhausted?
• Mark was bummed to find out that they won't give you a video of the ultrasound.
• The ultrasound is at 1:30. Let's hope the sea monkeys are doing well!

Thanks to everyone that posted advice yesterday. There's a little more backstory to things that would have helped explain why I was so frustrated and I'll fill you all in when I have time. But Mark and I are talking about how we can do this in manageable chunks.

Wish us the sea monkeys luck today!

Smile pretty for the cameras today, lil sea monkeys!

Neighbors Wanted

My friend Sandy posted the following below in the comments and I'm posting it here to help her get more exposure:

I need to find someone for a neighbor. Either a single, a couple, or someone with a small person would be fine, but it's a small house and only a cosleeping family would be likely to want it with more than one child.

Here's the Craigslisting for the rental: http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/abo/261348911.html

The ad pretty much spells out what you need to know about the place. Sandy is "good people" -- I've known her since High School -- and if it wasn't for the uncertainty surrounding our future, Mark and I would have probably decided on taking the place ourselves. However, we're going through significant changes right know and staying put seems best until we get everything sorted out.

If you know anyone or want the place for yourself, please contact her through Craigslist.