A huge thanks to everyone who commented on my "Swelling" post. My sister-in-law — who died at the age of 27 — had pre-eclampsia during her pregnancies and lost a baby girl because of it. So it hits a little closer to home for me and it's just one of those amplified fears that I have that I shouldn't. (Hell, when I told my brother I was pregnant, he kept telling me to make sure I got monitored for pre-eclampsia!) I know that some level of mild edema is normal for pregnant women... I just thought that maybe I lucked out and was going to miss out on it completely. I have an appointment on Wednesday — this one kicks off the weekly visits! — so I'll definitely be asking about how normal this all is then.
I'm just not used to having to force my rings on or for my clothes and sheets and chair to so readily imprint themselves in my flesh. And let's not talk about the ankles. They're not at cankle stage yet but it's disconcerting to see how fat they appear to be. And of course, for a woman who's struggled with weight issues her entire life, appearing fat is a huge blow to the ego — regardless of how "cute" everyone insists pregnant women are.
Oh and that's another pet peeve. The whole pregnant women being "cute" thing. For the record, waddling is not fucking cute. I waddle cause I can't walk normally. I waddle cause it fucking hurts to walk any other way. So telling me how cute I am or look when I waddle just frustrates me. Watching me waddle slowly down the hall towards you with a half-knowing smile on your face makes me want to smack you when I get to the end. I'm in pain and your smiling at my misery, you dolt. There's more to this rant, but I'll leave it at that.
Okay, yeah, I'm crabby. I've been pretty crabby lately. And no, my crabbiness isn't cute either.
I'm pretty sure that this crabbiness is being brought about by my frustration at being unable to do normal things like, oh, bend over to pick something up or shave my legs or take off my shoes unassisted. My belly has gotten heavier and much more uncomfortable to walk with lately — even with the sling — and I can feel that the twins are getting more than a bit crowded. More often than not I can feel a solid baby body along my sides. It's definitely a neat feeling but unfortunately it's usually accompanied by some other pain like extreme backache or the sensation that your bladder is about to fall out.
Adding to the crab is my depression over my upcoming 38th birthday on Saturday. I have absolutely no plans for my birthday. Part of me feels that this is the last birthday I will have all to myself for a long time. Starting next year, my birthdays will revolve around the kids (at least until they're in their pre-teens) so I kinda was hoping to make this one special somehow. Of course, most of the things I would normally do are either off limits or take too much physical effort and I can't think of substitutions for them. I'm not a spa or manicure person — I hate people touching me, my favorite restaurant closed two years ago, and I can't walk around and explore the city like I used to. Having a few drinks is out of the question, I don't want to go to the movies cause I have to pee every 20 minutes and there's really nothing I want to see, ditto with going to a concert, and I've already bought myself enough stuff. That basically leaves staying home and either lying in bed watching TV or sitting in the glider and knitting, since I can't lie down and knit comfortably. Sounds like a fabu time, no?
And of course there's this growing and gnawing anxiety over getting ready for the twins. Getting the car registered in NYS was a freaking three day nightmare for Mark but now we legally have wheels so that we can go places if we need to. And we will.
I wasn't feeling well this weekend, so we didn't go look at apartment sized washer / dryer units. That's our next big major purchase and I guess we'll have to go shopping for it on my birthday (joy) since we really need to get that lined up. On top of that, we still need to pick up absolutely everything — clothes, crib, stroller, diapers, etc. The cloth diaper service we were going to use (Tidy Diapers) stopped delivering to Brooklyn and the other diaper service I knew of appears to be out of business. At least that's what the disconnect message I get when I dial the number tells me.
Aside: It took three unreturned phone calls and three e-mails over the course of a month and a half for Suzanne, the owner of Tidy Diapers, to deign to reply to me. My last e-mail was marked urgent and had a paragraph on what our needs were, how highly recommended they were and how I'd really like to set up an account. This was answered by a curt "We are no longer delivering to Brooklyn. Suzanne". SIX contact attempts on my part and that's ALL I get? Great customer service on their part, no? Makes me kinda glad that I don't have to deal with them at all. I definitely will NOT be recommending them to anyone based on this experience.
[Edited to add - 9:11 PM]: Suzanne called my cellphone today to return a call from two weeks ago. Unfortunately I was in a meeting and had to let it go to voicemail. Also, I just read an email I got today from a woman who uses Tidy Diapers. Apparently the company has been having experiencing some serious delivery personnel problems which might be the reason why the cut their Brooklyn service out. So, that being said, I won't personally be recommending them but I won't be dissuading people either.
This has of course thrown a huge wrench in my "save money any which way you can" plan — cloth diapers for both twins would have come out to under $100 per month based on what the other twin moms in Manhattan were paying — but it is what it is. My guess is that Mark and I will do disposables for the first six months or so and then figure out how to do cloth on our own. It's going to take a bit of research on our parts and I don't have the energy for that right now. I'm more concerned with our non-existent nursery at the moment.
In knitting news, I've officially killed the Elven Cardigan and the Classic Cashmere Leggings. I made the decision this weekend and frogged both pieces, storing the yarn for future unknown projects. The leggings didn't make sense to me anymore because the babies would have to wear them during the summer (not likely) and while I liked the Elven cardi, I was already making the similarly styled Hooded Pullovers in the same size. Also, as much as I liked the Andean Treasure when I started, I'd kinda fallen out of love with it for that particular project. After all, I'd bought nicer yarns recently that I'd rather use for the kids' knits.
I haven't scrapped the Alphabet Blanket or the Candle Flame Shawl, though, because I can keep working on these after the babies are born. Ideally I'd like to have the blanket finished by Thanksgiving, which actually seems doable. And as for the shawl, well, I can cast off where it is right now and easily call it finished. Still I have another ball of yarn and would like to get a few more pattern repeats in there.
I've managed to knit through both fronts and one sleeve of the second Harvey Kimono. I'm halfway through the second sleeve and should be finished with that by this evening:
By the way, see that cute "project bag" from Piddleloop (an Etsy shop). That was one of my birthday presents to myself. I've bought two so far and am completely in love with them. They have a grommet to feed the yarn through so I can keep my knitting in my messenger bag while I commute. They also have an inside pocket for notions (I use it to keep ball bands and stitch holders) and an elastic knitting needle holder which is just perfect for me to keep the different size needle tips I need for my projects. The best part is that two of them fit in the front of my messenger bag so I can always have two fully ready projects (needles, notions and all) at the ready. I'm totally wanting one or two more and I'm only waiting until they put some up in fabrics that I like.
The knitting on the second of the Oz Vests was finished on Saturday. It's now in the "to be blocked and finished" pile with the rest of the sweaters:
Last but not least, I started the last of the newborn sweaters — the second of the Hooded Pullovers. I should be finished knitting the second Harvey Kimono either today or tomorrow so I will be able to concentrate my efforts on finishing that.