How I got here

The journey from 135 to 186 and change was not a direct one. In 2005, I weighed a healthy 130ish... That was down from the 182 I'd weighed in February. I'd lost over 50 lbs in time for my wedding day in October. I kept my weight stable for about 3 months, gaining 10 lbs at my then new job with Lehman Brothers. I pretty much kept fluctuating between that 10 lb difference until Mark and I decided to try to have kids. I managed to get down to 140, but the fertility drugs brought me up to 150. I weighed 184 lbs when my twins were born in 2007 but within three months was at 155.

Stress at work and a new family life with kids brought me to the low 170s over the course of the next two years. Poor eating and drinking habits - too many after-work venting sessions at the bar - were my downfall. Tension between Mark and I on the changes our life was going through (tight quarters, financial instability), the lack of external support we each had in making things work, and the crappy stressful - who was going to be laid off this week? - work environment weren't helping my mood or health either.

Then, in September of 2008, Lehman imploded. I was kept employed by the conquering heroes for a few months, and then that ended in unemployment and panic. Cue 2009 and the scale was hovering in the high 170s.

After my 40th birthday last year, I decided to take a stab at getting healthy again. To not go into 41 the fat, out of shape slob that I was. To really work on myself - not just for me but for my kids as well. So I started anew... and promptly injured myself, putting me on the sidelines for a month.

Cue a new insane job that required 125% and by the end of the year I was in the low 180s. Winded. Out of shape. Miserable, with nerve pain, increased carpal tunnel, bad skin. I felt out of sorts and disgusted with my body.

I made a valiant attempt to restart in February and managed to get down to the mid-170s. And then work picked up again and I was ill-prepared, again, to get back on the horse. So my 41st birthday found me in as bad a shape as the year before.

But not defeated.

That's how I found myself at 186. But that's not where I'm going to stay.

Comments

[vabvive]

Hi - I've followed you via WW and your prior blog since before the kidlets.

In that time, and for similar reasons, my health and weight journey has paralleled yours.

Good job returning to your resolve. Thanks for determining to share your journey. I'll check back from time to time to encourage and get encouraged.

[sandra mort]

I was determined to start back on the diet once I recovered from surgery... but it didn't help as much as I'd hoped. I'm trying to work up the motivation to do it, but it's HARD when exercise hurts so much and ice cream (big trigger food) reliably gives instant gratification. I really don't eat that badly, though. I've just killed my metabolism DED.