The journey from 135 to 186 and change was not a direct one. In 2005, I weighed a healthy 130ish... That was down from the 182 I'd weighed in February. I'd lost over 50 lbs in time for my wedding day in October. I kept my weight stable for about 3 months, gaining 10 lbs at my then new job with Lehman Brothers. I pretty much kept fluctuating between that 10 lb difference until Mark and I decided to try to have kids. I managed to get down to 140, but the fertility drugs brought me up to 150. I weighed 184 lbs when my twins were born in 2007 but within three months was at 155.
Stress at work and a new family life with kids brought me to the low 170s over the course of the next two years. Poor eating and drinking habits - too many after-work venting sessions at the bar - were my downfall. Tension between Mark and I on the changes our life was going through (tight quarters, financial instability), the lack of external support we each had in making things work, and the crappy stressful - who was going to be laid off this week? - work environment weren't helping my mood or health either.
Then, in September of 2008, Lehman imploded. I was kept employed by the conquering heroes for a few months, and then that ended in unemployment and panic. Cue 2009 and the scale was hovering in the high 170s.
After my 40th birthday last year, I decided to take a stab at getting healthy again. To not go into 41 the fat, out of shape slob that I was. To really work on myself - not just for me but for my kids as well. So I started anew... and promptly injured myself, putting me on the sidelines for a month.
Cue a new insane job that required 125% and by the end of the year I was in the low 180s. Winded. Out of shape. Miserable, with nerve pain, increased carpal tunnel, bad skin. I felt out of sorts and disgusted with my body.
I made a valiant attempt to restart in February and managed to get down to the mid-170s. And then work picked up again and I was ill-prepared, again, to get back on the horse. So my 41st birthday found me in as bad a shape as the year before.
But not defeated.
That's how I found myself at 186. But that's not where I'm going to stay.
It's been a very long time since I blogged consistently - mainly because my life changed drastically from when I first started airing my thoughts. I moved from being a passionately vocal, opinionated and very open singleton, living in Manhattan, working for a DOTCOM to a wife, mother, more conservative and more time-bound woman who has become sensitive to being "dooced" or sued by her employer. Add on that free time is a luxury, even a joke sometimes. Why blog, when you can sleep, knit, do laundry... Why blog when it could be a liability?
I've gone back and forth between missing having an outlet where I could quasi-anonymously speak my mind to wanting to pull everything I've ever written down. I've needed the outlet but have satisfied it through Facebook and other message boards. But now I find that I need a place separate from all the social media experiments that I am a part of.
You see, I'm embarking - have embarked, actually - on a fitness journey. And heaven knows that I do not want my friend, family, co-workers knowing every single little nitty gritty detail of my progress. Not my daily food logs, which I plan on posting here. Not my struggles with exercising. Not my whining or navel gazing or failures or even my posted weight.
Of course, I won't be hiding this blog from them because that's not my style, but I won't exactly be guiding them towards it. I want to use this as my venting space and as a way to meet other likeminded bloggers.
For those who don't know me, I'm Liz. I post very infrequently over at House Arrest. I'm 41 and weigh 186.4 lbs as of this morning.
And with that, we'll begin and add on.