I have fallen into a deep state of ennui due to work and it sucks, so I've decided to make a concerted effort to update the blog with a bit of content every day. I desperately need to do something to shake me out of the rut I'm in and I figure that writing about it might help.
Right now, I feel as if my talents are being wasted and my life is slipping away. I should be extremely happy and hopeful but I'm not. I have two fabulous miracle babies that people would give their eyeteeth for, a wonderful husband, a not so bad life... But I don't feel the happiness. Things aren't at their worst for me but they're not at their best either and let me tell you that I have more than a bit of survivor guilt going on.
While my friends are scrambling to find new jobs before their severance pay runs out, I'm waiting on pins and needles for my review and my updated job description. I want to see what the new management thinks I should be doing. I hope it jibes with what I feel my job should be. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.
Work woes aside, life's been pretty good when I've stopped worrying long enough to enjoy it. The twins had their first taste of rice cereal this weekend in the brand new high chairs that we bought for them at Ikea.
They eagerly gummed their cereal and I felt so happy at that moment. Feeding them those first spoonfuls was one of the most satisfying things that I'd done in a long while.
Truth be told, I sometimes wish that Mark could find a job that paid as well as mine does now and that he would return to work so that I could stay home with the babies. I am missing so so so much and I often wish that weren't the case.
Not that he has it easy.
I know I don't tell him nearly enough, but he is doing a fantastic job being a stay at home dad. It's tough and the days are long and there are often more tough ones than easy ones. With twins, it seems like the job is never done. One baby is invariably cranky, not sleepy, pooey, or in need of bouncing, rocking, singing, attention of some sort. There are days when the sound of both Jumperoos clanging and blinking along can drive you to drink... and heavily.
And, once you get them both down for a nap or for the night, those precious moments of alone time go quickly. There are bottles to be washed, laundry to be put up, animals that need food or other tasks that need immediate attention.
It's all worth it, of course.
Knitting-wise, I removed all the knitting sidebars because they were woefully out of date and I had no intention of updating them any time soon. My Ravelry profile is fully updated so if you have a Ravelry account you can see where my projects stand. I'm actually hoping that Ravelry gets out of its beta soon and releases the special blog plugins they've been developing. That will eliminate all manual updating / sidebar nonsense on my end once and for all.
Anyhow, since the last time I wrote about knitting, I finished the knitting on the Charming cape and have been trying to find the time seam it together — which is going to be a monstrous task in and of itself! I have also made a few bibs, finished most of the baby sweaters and moved on to...
Two "Milan Jackets" in the 12 month size.
Pattern from "Natural Knits for Babies and Moms"
I cast on for these yesterday morning, having decided to make both jackets at the same time to prevent the "Second Sweater Syndrome" I encounter when making stuff for the twins. It's not so much that I want them to be matchy matchy but the thought of them having similar but different sweaters appeals to me. The knitting of two of the same sweaters back to back, however, is not quite as appealing. In fact it usually bores me to tears and I only get halfway through the second sweater before moving on to another project.
So two at once may be the way to go for me.
By the time I went to bed last night, I'd managed to work from the cast on to row 15 of bottom back edge which is not shabby. I even managed to get some knitting done while the babies and Mark slept. You see, in the evenings, I'm kinda relegated to hanging out in the kitchen. Mark sleeps in our room while the babies are sleeping in their nursery. I hate waking either so I hang out in the kitchen and read until someone needs me or it's time for a shift change.
Well, last night, I decided to knit while reading and got an additional half dozen rows or so in. It felt really good to make so much progress and I can see myself doing more and more of this.