Too many thoughts running through my head tonight... About where I am and where I've been. This year marks our 5th wedding anniversary, our 7th as a couple is on the 25th. And I look around, amazed, realizing how everything has changed so utterly much.
I wish I could say I was the perfect wife or mom. I want to say I try but I feel so far removed that trying is a joke. It's work work work for 18 hours and when I come home, I'm a treat to all involved. Although I will say that Mark misses me more than the kidlets right now. To them I am a novelty. A special visit from a friend.
The lack of time with them makes me more prone to be indulgent and conversely, strict. When the tantrums start, I cut them off at the knees without trying to learn the details. And then, hours later, like right now, I feel guilty. Because I could have spent more time trying to figure things out.
It's not easy right now, nor will it be fully. But I'm going to try harder to get grounded with them. I love my kids and my husband to the ends of the world.
I just need to reconnect with them and get in the groove of being a family and not a solitary bread winner.
