According to the March of Dimes, most twins average 36 weeks of gestation so today would put me at the halfway mark of my pregnancy. Ideally I'd like to go to 38 weeks, so halfway would be next week. Either way, it's soon, real soon, and I'm beginning to feel a little panicky about not being prepared.
Our apartment will need a ton of rearranging in order for it to be ready for the sea monkeys. No longer will Mark and I have our separate havens. My room will become the master bedroom and nursery. It is the logical choice because it is the larger of the two rooms and it has a door so we can lock the animals out. Mark's room will become a combo living room / home office / play room / guest room. Our hallway will become our library, housing the overflow of books from each of our rooms. The kitchen will also become our laundry.
All this rearranging will bring upheaval and change at a time when I could want it less.
We will need to replace our current, full-sized bed with a larger one to accommodate my growing belly (for now) and kids (in the future). We'll also need to revisit our use of space in my room -- no more yarn in bins stacked against the wall or bookcases lining the walls. A much dreaded trip to Ikea is sorely needed -- dreaded because I know it will be overwhelming and I am already very overwhelmed by all of this. We need to design and buy a suitable wardrobe unit to house yarn and fabric, store adult and baby clothes and put the TV, dvd player and whatever else fits in. Ikea has a customizable Pax unit but I can't gage how big it is by reading dimensions. (Sadly I lack this workman's skill...) I actually need to go to the store and look at the damned thing so I can better determine if it is what I think we're going to need. "Think" being the operative word. What if I'm wrong? What if I make a costly mistake by configuring it wrong?
Cost is weighing heavily on my mind. Aside from the wardrobe, we'll need to buy some pretty big ticket items soon: a used car, a new bed (Mark wants king-sized; I think queen is more realistic because I'm really concerned about space), two cribs (at first the sea monkeys will sleep together in one crib until they're too big to continue sleeping in the same space), two car seats, a twin-toting jogging stroller (Mark prefers this type), and an apartment-sized washer / dryer. Some things I'm willing to be cheap on, some things I'm paying for the best. Craigslist is out of the question for most of this. I want new, fresh out of the box, warranty not voided yet stuff. Don't get me wrong; we have the money for this. I just want to maximize our spending dollar so that we can bank the rest for when times are lean.
Aside from the cost, the sheer amount of work I foresee -- lugging and moving and rearranging -- is daunting. We have two large rooms that need to be completely turned inside out, a kitchen that needs less work but needs to be somewhat modified nonetheless, and closets that need to be revisited and their uses revised. Mark's back has been fucked up for a while and I can't overexert myself -- which is as easy to do as lifting my arms some days. I seriously worry about how long it's going to take us to make these changes to the apartment. Ideally I'd like the place to be mostly rearranged before I'm forced onto bedrest or mid-May, whichever comes sooner. Unlike planning for the wedding, I can't decide to drop an idea or not do things because I'm tired. All the changes I have in mind have to be done in order to make for a livable space.
Nevermind that the gameplan is to move in 2008 anyway. 2008 may turn in 2009 depending on how we manage as a single income family the first year. While I make decent money, I still have to support my parents so we're definitely going to be looking at a financial adjustment period. We're still going to need to make the space we're in livable and workable for when the sea monkeys arrive, regardless of what the future will bring.
So all of this is giving me agita and sometimes I feel that Mark doesn't see the urgency in it. That's not the case, of course, and I know I'm being unfair -- although he could be slightly less laissez-faire when I bring up the anxiety-inducing Ikea trip or suggest he check the Target shopping list. I've not been very expressive lately about how I've been feeling, so it's not fair of me to infer that he doesn't care. I know he does and that he worries, but also that he's kinda waiting on me to say, "Okay. Let's do this."
It's hard because I spend so much time focused on what's going on with me. Should I call the doctor for that pain? Was that gas or the first sign of someone moving? What is that repeated throbbing? Why am I not gaining weight quicker? I should be at the very least 4 lbs heavier than I am now! Are the sea monkeys really okay? Will I have to go on bedrest? How do you prevent flat baby head? Why don't I know more about SIDS? I've never changed a diaper in my life; am I going to be a good mom? And so on...
And truth be told, I have not wanted to go shopping until my bonus hit. We cut our savings in half last year (ouch!) taking care of an old debt and I really didn't feel safe buying things until we built the account up again. So now I feel financially secure again and ready to start buying the big stuff. But I'm overwhelmed by it at the same time.
Anyway, work beckons so I will leave you with pictures of the first of the two Classic Cashmere Sweaters:
The sweater just needs to be sewn up to be completed. And yes, I know my history with UFOs. However, I will finish it before the sea monkeys are born. I'm planning on leaving the sewing up for this coming weekend.
So far there is only one thing I would change about the pattern. In the neck detailing it calls for a K2tog TBL which adds some decorative interest. Unfortunately a plain old K2tog adds none, so the other side looks unbalanced. On the next sweater I plan to replace the K2tog TBL with a SKPO so that my decreases at the neck match.
Kick harder lil sea monkeys! I know you've started to. Momma wants to feel you so that she knows you're growing up nice and strong.